Follow2Lead

Follow2Lead

Offering Feedback That Transforms

Go For the Relationship First

Damian Gerke's avatar
Damian Gerke
Jan 04, 2025
∙ Paid
1
Share
image of two hands almost touching, like Michelangelo's Creation of Adam

Most people these days are savvy enough to recognize a “feedback sandwich” coming from a mile away. If that’s your approach to giving feedback to a direct report, you should know that they’re probably tuning you out. But the solution isn’t finding a new feedback method, it’s finding a way to earn their trust.


In This Article:

  • You can't help people transform their behaviors apart from a relationship.

  • Feedback is "This is what you're doing wrong." Effective feedback is "I want to see you succeed, and this is blocking your success."

  • Effective feedback is about getting past the barrier of "Why should I listen to you?"

Key Application:

  • Establish the relationship around trust, then build on that foundation.


Follow2Lead is a reader-supported publication. Many articles are free, but to receive dedicated articles like this one, consider becoming a paid subscriber.


We’ve all received feedback from a manager who used the “feedback sandwich” method. Even if you don’t know it by that name, you’ll recognize those conversations that went something like this:

  1. Tell them something they’re doing right (to set a positive tone).

  2. Tell them what they’re not doing right (what needs correction).

  3. Tell them something positive (to set expectations for good outcomes moving forward).

The approach was widely promoted 40 years ago, but now is equally widely criticized as plastic and insincere. Now it’s a meme for how to be a bad manager who can’t relate with people.

I don’t know if there was ever a Dilbert cartoon made about it, but I'd bet my house there was…

Keep reading with a 7-day free trial

Subscribe to Follow2Lead to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.

Already a paid subscriber? Sign in
© 2025 Damian Gerke
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start writingGet the app
Substack is the home for great culture